Something I wrote for RiB Finals that I would like to share with the world! Haven’t done this in so long so it’s nice to know I still can? Tell me what you think!
I hear a knock on the door. A knock that was urgent yet willing to wait.
A knock that was broken, looking for a clean slate.
A girl stands before me. Tired yet restless.
Strength in her eyes but desperate, bordering hopeless.
She looks familiar, like a house you used to visit or a bus you used to take.
But worn down by time, a singer looking for that big break.
"I know it’s too much. I know it’s too late."..
Puzzled, I stopped her. I knew she was losing faith.
Her eyes kept fighting but nowhere near strength.
Her arms were weak, her knees slightly bent.
I was ready to catch her, her silent plead was enough.
She grabbed me, looked up, and asked “Can you save us?”
I closed the door. Felt the lock fall into place.
No it wasn’t the right time. I needed air. Space.
For most of my life, I have experienced the most excruciating pain.
You could say it was a certain kind of loss, like a relationship strained.
He could probably be gone now, a figment of my imagination.
Probably too young to remember. A phantom sensation.
Growing up though I heard stories.
Yeah, I knew what it was supposed to look like.
But they were moments I couldn’t relate to.
Didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like.
Their first beer together. Learning how to drive.
Basketball games. Barbecues. Songs from his archive.
I knew about them, these moments. Father and son.
I knew about them but not him. He was there, then he was gone.
Never got the chance to know him. He’s probably a forgotten dream.
A phantom sensation. A loss for the team.
Then there was her. Yes, that girl who made your heart stop.
Oh, that breath of fresh air. The one who made your jaw drop.
She was the love of my life. No one could ever compare.
She was that dream girl, the best one and she was right there.
Her love was incomparable, her footsteps light and free.
Everyone could see her but she only saw me.
They couldn’t believe it. “Really, she only sees you?”
I couldn’t believe it either, but her eyes said it was true.
A real angel from heaven, a real gem in the rough.
I could only ask myself if I’d ever be enough.
I won’t let this moment pass. I won’t her let her slip away.
And I had to do one thing. I had to ask her to stay.
This ring, this girl, the right moment, the right time.
I was hers to keep. So I asked, “Be mine?”
But as the words rushed out, her eyes looked away.
No, she wasn’t ready. No, she wasn’t here to stay.
It was like holding on to a rose but the thorns were making me bleed.
I thought she wouldn’t hurt me. I was the only thing she’d need.
She started to walk away, her footsteps heavy and hurtful.
They were once light and free. She was no longer my dream girl.
Cause dreams are fantasies and they will never be real.
But I knew the realness of pain. It’s the only thing I feel.
The pain of love and loss. The pain of crashing into pieces.
The pain of being left behind. The pain of whispered kisses.
I was hurt and hateful and I didn’t know what to do.
"On to the next girl" was the advice they’d give you.
So with a jacked up heart and a drunk set of legs
I walked up to the next girl and downed a few kegs.
She didn’t know me and I didn’t know her.
But she wanted a good time and my life was a blur.
So I wooed the next girl, I treated her like a queen,
And as I woke up the next morning, I stood up and fled the scene.
I never saw her again, not until today.
For once in my life, I didn’t know what to say.
There was an “us” in the picture, a boy just like me.
What was I expected to do? Was I ready to be called “Daddy?”
I hated you for leaving. I wasn’t too young to remember.
I hear you shouting like it was yesterday! I vowed to be better!
And it’s happening now. This is a test of my word.
I tried to think of what to say but failure was all I heard.
I questioned myself, questioned the things I’ve done in life.
I thought I found the right one, I asked her to be my wife.
And as she left me broken I went on to break another’s heart
But this time. This time was different. I have the chance to play the part.
The part I knew from stories. Promises I vowed never to break.
The part I knew not too well but knew the mistakes I shouldn’t make.
The part that left me. The role I could have looked up to.
But now that role is right in front of me and I knew what to do.
For that boy, my boy, deserved a chance to be with me.
A chance to be his hero, a hero he could touch and see.
Cause fantasies are amazing, dream houses, dream wife.
But reality is real, like love, like life.
There won’t always be a right moment, not always a right time.
But he is a part of me. His eyes were mine.
I opened the door. Felt the lock fall out place.
And for the first time we felt it. A dad’s embrace.
To be honest I feel like I’m being watched like prey.
But I don’t run away from my problems. And I guess that’s one thing this experience has taught me the most.
On Monday, I finally let go of JTA. It’s been great, but I know I can’t live in the past. I refuse to be a prisoner of my past choices, most of all my mistakes. I’ve learned a lot along the way, more about myself than anything else. I learned a lot about friendship and hope, too. Things I’ll never forget.
I would only want to let go of the products of my selfishness. The learning experiences during my time there were amazing and I would never want to forget that.
Thank you to family and friends who have supported me during the past year.
One more year before the real world. It’s time to move on.
I just had the most amazing throwback of my Tumblr today.
I was such a drama queen. There were just too many feelings overflowing my blog. If there was a moment where I can say I’ve changed, it would be today. 2009 Faye is so much different than 2013, going 2014, Faye. Insane. That’s all I can say. Things were so much different back then, of course. But the amount of change is pretty drastic. I was such a hopeless romantic, the teenage novel kind, and I guess you could say pretty blind and guarded from reality too. I was speaking from the heart though, that’s one thing I can’t really deny. While I was reading my old rants, I sort of wished I could be that bold and brave again. I was fueled by immaturity and youth and it felt so honest. I wish I could say the same for now.
But then again I wonder what’s restricting me? Is it because I don’t wanna be judged? Cause I was judging 2009 Faye A LOT while I was reading back. Maybe?
Maybe. I’ll see what happens. Let’s test it out. I’ll try blogging like 2009 Faye again: bold and honest. Nothing more.
Plotting the emotions of this holiday getaway would be one of the best roller coaster anyone would’ve ever ridden, including the flat line in the end. I lost my phone in the Milan Train Station an hour before we left for the airport. I was more disappointed than sad. 6 more weeks to stay in Europe and I was being so careful the past months. Just before going home I lose it. Just goes to show that there should never be time to be complacent, with anything.
The phone’s gone. I only pray for the person who got it and hope that the phone will help him/her with whatever it is he’s going through.
On a lighter note, my 2007 Ixus camera will shine through my blogposts. :D Most of the pictures I’ll be posting for the Italy trip will be from the others.
Rome - Florence - Pisa - Cinque Terre - Venice - Milan.
To be updated soon!
This girl is something else, I tell you. She’s been in my life for quiet some time and have seen the dark days of little old me. She never left and never gave up and I’m so proud of what she has become and what she has achieved today.
You’re far from the person you used to be and I’m privileged to watch you grow into the person you are now. I’m excited to grow old with you and I’m excited to go through those ups and downs with you too. I’ll never give up on you, love. Always keep that in mind. I’ll always be there to let you shine.
Don’t be afraid of the things that you haven’t explored yet cause even if I haven’t as well, we could explore them together. There’s a vast number of things that can be conquered in one lifetime and I hope we could go through this journey together.
You’re amazing at what you do and I know you’ll be amazing in whatever you want to do. Thank you for the years of friendship and I hope our forever to come will be twice as brilliant as the ones before. Know that you are loved and will be loved by the people around you and the people you have yet to meet. ;)
Sending you sweet sweet love from 6700 miles away,
Happy Birthday my bug. ♥
You're a pretty great writer, even back in high school. :)
This is so sweet. Thank you so much. :) I try my best but I hope I can still write like before. Hope you can keep reading! :D
As I listen to my Responsible Human Resources teacher, which I will be doing for the next 5 hours, I came across this travel blog:
Travel While You’re Young.
So far it’s been an amazing learning experience. School started a week after we got here and we’ve already been around Pau and Paris. Three weeks in and I’ve learned so much about living alone. Deciding how to allocate your budget for two weeks worth of grocery items, cutting down on “good food” choices, hand washing your clothes, cleaning your own bathroom and sweeping your own dorm.
It’s so easy to lay back and relax when you’re back home in Manila but here if you lay back and relax you’ll find creepy crawlies around or find dust balls everywhere. As of today, let’s just say my room has seen better days but it’s on the right track. *self pat on the back*
On October 4, we’re set to leave for Munich, Germany for the Oktoberfest. It requires a lot of sacrifices but I can’t imagine missing such a festival. I’m really glad my parents are very supportive of my travelling. They’ve been travelling all their life for business trips and have both been OFWs once or twice. They know what I will learn on these trips. I’m very blessed to have this opportunity and sometimes pinching is still needed cause it still feels unbelievable.
I’m excited to get richer by travelling. :) And I can’t wait to write about it.
Honestly, it hasn’t been easy but we’ll skip those sad parts and focus on the positive!
Positive #1: I’m in Europe. I’m guessing that’s all the positive I need.
We arrived in Pau, France on September 6, Friday. The weather was not too hot, not too cold. Didn’t have the need to bring a coat around so we just walked in the clothes we wore during the trip. Our tour guide and part of the their Office of International Relations, Claire (Bear), picked us up and brought us to our dorm where this happened:
There are endless amazing views here and I’m trying to figure out how to bring it to life in pictures but they just never do them justice.
Saturday was city center day where we met Roberto, my love! He’s an amazingly patient and smile-y waiter who gave us a really amazing time. No french cuisine yet. It was tapas and chicken for lunch!
(will post more pictures here soon)
Sunday was all about Lourdes and Mama Mary. It was nice to see a lot of Filipinos there actually! And yet again the view was majestic.
I’ll probably edit this again soon, but nonetheless, these pictures have already taken my breath away. 2904891028 more days to gooooo!
Knowing that the person you call love will cry herself to sleep because of you?